Have to agree with the reasons :)
Why Men Are (Justifiably) Proud Of Themselves
1. We know stuff about guns
2. A 2-week trip requires only one suitcase
3. We can open all our own jars
4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group
5. We don't have to learn to spell a new last name
6. We can leave a motel bed unmade
7. We can kill our own food
8. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
9. Wedding plans take care of themselves
10. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend
11. Underwear is $10 a three-pack
12. If you are 34 and single nobody notices
13. Everything on our faces stays the original color
14. Three pair of shoes are more than enough
15. We don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming
16. Car mechanics tell us the truth
17. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me."
18. Same work-more pay
19. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character
20. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift
21. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends !!!
22. Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
23. We are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colors
24. We never have a "strap problem" in public
25. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes
26. The same hairstyle lasts for years-maybe decades
27. We don't have to shave below the neck
28. A few belches are expected and tolerated
29. Our belly usually hides our big hips
30. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons
31. We can do our nails with a pocketknife
32. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache
33. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and in 45 minutes
Monday, October 26, 2009
Why Men Are (Justifiably) Proud Of Themselves
Friday, January 9, 2009
The new Satyam nursery rhyme...
Raju Raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju Raju made a fraud
The 2nd One
Raju Raju
Yes baba
Cheating us
No baba
Telling Lies
No baba
Open the balance sheet
HA HA HA HA HA
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sardarji in furniture business stumped by French babe
Unmarried Sardarji in furniture business stumped by French babe
An unmarried Sardar furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine.
As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned towards the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. Would you believe...
Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!!
And no wonder Sardarji is still single!!!!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Sweets At My Desk
SWEETS AT MY DESK…!
Subha Utha , Nahaya ..Mast Deo Lagaya...
Usko Yaad Kiya Aur Muskuraya...
Muskurahat Ka Karan Tha , Kya Sapna Liya Tha Raat Ko
Main Company Ka Ceo Aur My Dream Girl Was My Pmo.
Mann To Kiyan So Jaon, Swapn Ki Duniya Mein Laut Jaun...
Phir Socha Uski Jhalak Paani Hain Office Mein, Kahin Late Na Ho Jaun...
Goggles Lagaya Style Mein, Sutta Niptaya,
Bike Kiya Self Start, Accelerater Maara
Pahooncha Office...Card Swipe Kara..
Khola Pc ...Lotus Notes Top Par Mail Uska Paaya...
Mailbox Dekh Sanatta Chaya..
Uska Mail Ka Subject Humien Na Bhaya..
Ek Baar Phir Kiya Mail Ka Subject Check
Oh No ..Not Again..Same Words..."Sweets At My Desk"
Darte Darte Khola Mail...Andar Wedding Invitation Paaya...
Lo Bhaiya Lut Gayee Duniya...Mandraya Kala Saaya...
Dukhi Mann Se Socha ...Chalo Ek Baar Contents To Padd Le..
Naam Kya Hai Ladke Ka...Details Se Rubaru To Ho Le...
Phir Ek Baar Mann Chakkar Khaya...Uska Naam Kahin Naa Paaya..
Mail Ka Phir Se Audit Kiya...Dil Ko Ncr Report Acha Aaya...
Mail Ke Subject Se Achi Mail Ke Body Nikli..
Jiski Shaadi Thi ..Woh To Uski Sister Nikli...
Bhujti Hui Low Phir Phadphadai.. .
Ek Umeed Jaagi..Asha Ki Ek Kiran Nazar Aayee.
Josh Bhare Kadmon Se Rukh Kiya Uske Cubicle Ki Aur...
Ab Sirf Uskee Jhalak Nahin ..Yeh Dil Maange More..
Aaj Tak Cubicle Ki Diwaron Se Dekha Tha Usko..
Dekhte Hee Usne Bola ..Lo Dear, Sweets Lo..
Humne Suna "Dear" , Humne Kaha Ab No Fear.
Kiya Jhuki Aankhon Se Usko Stare, Uthaya Sweats Ka Apna Share..
"Dear" Shabd Kitna Acha Lagne Laga Tha....
Uske Aur Mere Beech Ka Loc Ab Mitne Laga Tha...
Baton Hi Baton Mein Usko Bataya Mail Padke Hua Confusion Tha
Reply Jo Bataya Usne, Phir Se Chida Kargil Tha..
Phir Se Low Bhuj Gayee Thi, Umeed Mit Gayee Thi ....
Uski Sagai Ki Mail To Ek Hafte Pahle Bounce Back Ho Chuki Thi...
Maa Kasam Ek Hi Gaana Yaad Aa Raha Tha Cham Se...
Kasam Ki Kasam , Yeh Pyaar Na Hoga Ab Humse...
O Haseeno Sun Lo Meri Iltaaja,
Please Mat Hona Humse Khafa,
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Ab Na Hoga Adjust,
Ab Mat Daalna Mail With Subject "Sweets At My Desk"
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
More jokes
Mulla was told that he would lose his phone if he didn’t retract what he had said to the general manager of the phone company in the course of conversation over the wire. “Very well, Mulla Nasrudin will apologize,” he said.
He called main 7777.
“Is that you Mr. Doolittle?”
“It is.”
“This is Mulla Nasrudin.”
“Well?”
“This morning in the heat of discussion I told you to go to hell!”
“Yes?”
“WELL,” said Nasrudin,”DON’T GO !”
-----------------------
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your license and registration?
Driver: I don't have them. It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license and registration?
Driver: Sure. Here they are.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told there's a body in it.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: HA! Oh boy, that's a good one. I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!
------------''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!''
Anger & Exasperation
His dad then goes to the phone and dials a random number. "Hello," comes a voice at the other end. "Hello," says Ernie's father. "Is Melvin there?""There is no one called Melvin here!" comes the reply. "Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"
"You see?" says Ernie's father. "That man was not at all happy with our call. But watch this!" He then dials the same number again, and says, "Hello, is Melvin there?""Now look here!" comes the angry reply. "I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!" And then he slams down the receiver.
"Did you hear that?" asks Ernie's father. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!" He picks up the phone and dials the same number again, and when a violent voice shouts, "HELLO!" Ernie's father says, "Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
Wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
Monday, December 29, 2008
I know you will like this :)
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "Its not a gong. Its a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch", the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey, jerk! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"
Jokes..
what had happened in the past.
Student : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher : Why?
Student : There is no future in it.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..........
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how
much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... .........
........
Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am
scolding you now.
............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
.........
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her
father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
........
Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Teacher: ' Where were u born ? '
Student: ' Singapore, Sir. '
Teacher: ' Which part ? '
Student: ' All of me, Sir .'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'
FOUR DIFFERENT THOUGHTS BY " MEN ".... Enjoy!!!
flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2 : The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years
of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners
wondering too.
Thought 3 : A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from
behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head
and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of
him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again
the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car
will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice
answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I
got married?"
This is the Best !!!
Thought 4 : Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant
bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the
groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed
her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was
wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and
Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his
hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter
finally, finally returned my credit card to me." The whole audience
including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except the poor
Groom!!
Outstanding Efforts of Indian Journalism...
True story (probably)
her posting!
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
-Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years laterBy the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but
will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps.
signed,
For a laugh
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: I could have traveled by bus.
--------------
A man collided with a cow and completed the requested form as follows:
Q: What warning did you give the other party before the collision? A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo
--------------
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."
Choices
While cutting the cake, the wife was moved after seeing her husband’s eyes fill with tears.
The wife took his arm, and looked at him affectionately.
“I never knew you were so sentimental.” she whispered.
“No . . . No . . .” he said, choking back his tears, “That’s not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?”
“Yes,” the wife replied. “I remember it like yesterday.”
“Well,” said the husband, “Today I would have been a free man.”
Fear Factor
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
Hijack!!!
My wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday
heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched
off, a 6feet 3inch black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front
row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and
yelled, 'HIJACK!'
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.
And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him
when another voice answered from the back of the plane: 'HI JOHN!'
Photographer
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!"
The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"